Hot n' Cold
by venom with love
Summary: Okay, so maybe I did expect him to come today. So sue me. I think every bride-to-be expects their fiance to show up for their own wedding. At least once out of eight times would have been nice. All Human. Song Fic.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**Bella's P.O.V.**

_You change your mind  
Like a girl changes clothes  
Yeah you P.M.S  
Like a bitch  
I would know  
And you over think  
Always speak cryptically  
I should know  
That you're no good for me_

The heavy church doors creaked open slowly. My head whipped around so quickly that I was sure to have a painful kink in my neck later on tonight. I held my breath, hoping to see what I needed to see.

Damn. Not him. It was just one of my fathers' friends coming back from outside. My face fell yet again as I watched the dwindling crowd become smaller and smaller as the moments ticked by.

I really shouldn't have gotten my hopes up this time.

"Bella, I'm sorry. He's not going to show up; he never does." Father Smith stage-whispered to me. I rolled my eyes at him for trying to be discreet. Everyone, me included, knew Edward's game by now. He would set a wedding date, plan everything, and then....not show up.

_Cause you're hot then you're cold  
You're yes then you're no  
You're in then you're out  
You're up then you're down  
You're wrong when it's right  
It's black and it's white  
We fight we break up  
We kiss we make up_

"Five more minutes?" I asked meekly. He simply shook his head no. I pouted like a child before walking up the steps.

With a sigh, I heaved myself up to the highest step, looking out at the lousy crowd.

I cleared my throat before yelling out to everyone. "Show's over people. False alarm. Again." Little by little, the small crowd exited through the oaks doors, murmuring about how much of a waste of time this always was; saying that I should just cut my losses and dump his sorry ass.

Oh so eloquently put.

My maid of honor, and best friend in the whole world, came bouncing up to me as soon as the last person left. Her expression was the same as last time.

And the time before that, and so on.

Probably the same expression my face held. A touch of fury and depression, but also a tad bit knowing. I knew he wasn't going to show up this time. The other seven times had proved that quite well actually.

Hey, a girl can dream can't she?

_We used to be  
Just like twins  
So in sync  
The same energy  
Now's a dead battery  
Used to laugh  
About nothing  
Now you're plain boring  
I should know  
That you're not gonna change_

"Want me to kill him?" She questioned with a grim laugh. I pulled her in for a hug. Her spiky, ink black hair tickled my cheeks. She was the only person that I was actually taller than.

"Nah, I'll just do it when he comes home tonight." I whispered. She pulled back and grinned at me. Her eyes twinkled deviously as if she had an inside joke to laugh at.

I guess _this_ was our little inside joke. Ha ha, I loved it.

"You're actually going to let him in this time?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Come on, Alice. Even if I said I won't let him come back tonight, I know that I'll end up wavering; I always do." I sighed. Alice shook her head at me before smiling.

"You've got me there, Bella. You always were a softie for that dumb ass. If it makes you feel any better, you looked really good this time." I chuckled at her words.

_Cause you're hot then you're cold  
You're yes then you're no  
You're in then you're out  
You're up then you're down  
You're wrong when it's right  
It's black and it's white  
We fight we break up  
We kiss we make up_

"So I didn't look good the other seven times?" I joked. She gave me a pointed look that told me how bad my statement was for her.

"Only thanks to you, my little pixie make-up artist slash......everything else." Alice smiled in encouragement for saying the right thing this time.

"Hey, If I was Edward, I would have been here two hours early to marry you. Actually, I would have been here the day before, on your _first _wedding." She put her little fist under my chin in a 'good for you, kid' kind of gesture.

"Only you, Alice, only you." I mumbled.

**.......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................**

I sighed as I looked at the clock.

One A.M.

He was never this late; not even the time when he _hid _from everyone on our wedding day and we had to get Emmett to hunt him down. He came back pretty bruised up that time. Of course, I helped stitch him back together. And then I let him plan another wedding that he didn't show up for; starting the whole cycle over again.

My stomach clenched, fearing that this time might be the time that he didn't ever return. Okay, so he's skipped out on eight weddings; I still love the guy. After the first....three, I just altogether stopped expecting him to come, but still enjoyed the novelty.

_You, you don't really wanna stay no  
You, but you don't really wanna go oh  
You're hot then you're cold  
You're yes then you're no  
You're in then you're out  
You're up then you're down_

Okay, so maybe I did expect him to come today. So sue me. I think every bride-to-be expects their fiancé to show up for their own wedding. At least once out of eight times would have been nice.

My fear was short lived as I heard the lock on the door turning. I took a short look in the mirror. Pale, brown hair, brown eyes. No wonder he never showed up to any of our weddings; I was completely ordinary. It was really a conundrum that a god-like creature such as him had fallen in love with the ugly duckling.

_Stop._ I scolded myself. _I am worth it and he's the one who doesn't deserve _me_._ I almost laughed at my inner mantra. It couldn't be farther from the truth, but hey, what are you going to do about it?

I felt his warm hands wrap around my waist from behind me. My posture tensed for a second before I sagged into his tall frame. I breathed in his scent. He smelled like the woods oddly, with a hint of his musky cologne, and a part that was just naturally _him._

He had been to the meadow. Our meadow.

"I would warn you about how cold the floors are, but your feet are already freezing." I snapped in a clipped tone. He chuckled into my ear before placing a kiss behind it.

"You use that line every time, love." He whispered. God, no matter how much I hated him for standing me up _again,_ I still shivered when his breath hit my ear.

"Oh, I'm so sorry for lack of creativity on my part." I said dryly. "Besides, you never show up. _Every time._"

"About that-" I clamped a hand over his mouth as I turned around in his arms. His green eyes danced in the pale lights. No matter how much I really had the urge to slap the smile right off his face and scream at him for hours; I couldn't. Just by looking into those fucking eyes, he made me forget my anger.

For a minute.

"What's the excuse this time, Cullen? Traffic jam? Bomb threat? Or, ooh, my favorite, the cat got run over and you just _had _to do something about it. You've used that one three times, and we don't even have a fucking cat." I hissed.

"Well, I _did _have real excuse this time, but you don't seem too keen to hear it. Maybe I will just use the cat one; since it is your favorite." He smirked down at me.

"Fine. I hope you enjoy sleeping in the tree house. There's supposed to be a nasty storm tonight. Have fun with that." I said evenly. He chuckled before leaning down for a peck on the lips. I didn't even try to push him away; the kiss was just too familiar, too right. Plus, he backed away before I could rip his head off.

Darn. He had learned from all of the other times.

"Okay, So I was thinking a lot about today. I came to one conclusion; the only reason I keep standing you up is because I don't want to get married to you in front of all those people. I just want it to be me and you." He said sincerely, looking into my eyes. I felt his hold on me tighten in more ways than just physical.

"Look who's being all philosophical." I whistled. "So....what did you get me this time?" I held my hand, expecting jewelry or my favorite French chocolates like usual. The gifts were his way of say 'I'm sorry, let's try again next month.'

Instead, he placed a thick paper in my upturned palm. I stared at the paper, then up at him a little perplexed. He turned it over. My eyes widened as I read the contents of the paper.

I looked up at him, my mouth agape. Could he be serious? Was this some sort of fucking joke?

"How adverse are you to the idea of a Vegas wedding?" He grinned, showing his perfectly white teeth.

**.......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................**

"Do you, Edward Cullen, take Isabella Swan to be your lawfully wedded wife?" The Elvis impersonator asked for the third time. I looked over at Edward, practically seething. No. This was the first time we had made it to the actual ceremony together and there was no fucking way that he wasn't going to answer. He dragged me all the way to Vegas and I'd be damned if I went back home still engaged to be married.

_Someone call the doctor  
Got a case of love bi polar  
Stuck on a roller coaster  
And I can't get off this ride..._

_You change your mind  
Like a girl changes clothes_

I narrowed my eyes in a challenging way, shifting them between him and the 'priest'; telling him to answer the fucking question already.

His eyes softened into a light green before they locked with my angry ones. With a wink, he uttered those two beautiful words.

Edward said those two words I never expected him to say in a million years.

"I do." He confirmed in a solid voice full of conviction. I felt my body relax and a smile stretch across my face. We were married! Although I would have much rather have it surrounded by family and friends, I wouldn't be picky about a wedding with Edward actually present.

_Cause you're hot then you're cold  
You're yes then you're no  
You're in then you're out  
You're up then you're down  
You're wrong when it's right  
It's black and it's white  
We fight we break up  
We kiss we make up_

"I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now-" I never heard the rest of the well-known sentence. Edward crushed me to him as he captured my lips with his. The kiss was passionate; full of all the apologies I knew he had for me. It was full of all the love we felt for each other, and above all else, it was full of relief.

Taking my hand securely in his, he dragged me back down the aisle and to the door, ignoring our 'priest'.

"Did we really just get married by a faux Elvis?" I laughed once we finally stumbled outside of the chapel's doors. The Vegas strip lit up everything in the dark night. Hey, I guess this isn't _that_ bad of a place to get married; it's like your own personal sky. Stars included.

"We most certainly did......Mrs. Cullen. God, I've wanted to say that to you ever since we were kids." He whispered as he slipped an arm around my waist before we continued the walk to our hotel that was conveniently located down the street.

_You're hot then you're cold  
You're yes then you're no  
You're in then you're out  
You're up then you're down  
You're wrong when it's right  
It's black and it's white  
We fight we break up  
We kiss we make up_

Gotta love the Vegas simplicity, huh?

"You could have...if you had showed up to any one of our numerous weddings." I poked his ribs.

"Ninth times the charm." He chuckled. His hand brushed against my hip softly, calming me down rapidly. I looked down at the sparkling ring on my left ring finger. I smiled softly, thinking about the new chapter in our lives that had just started.

"I believe the _third _time is supposed to be the charm. Wasn't the third one the one you started using the cat excuse?" I vaguely remembered that one. It was actually my favorite false alarm wedding. First Beach at La Push. I always wanted a beach wedding.

"Yep. Ahh, such good memories. I think that was the one that Charlie threatened me with his gun _and _tazer." He smirked down at me lovingly before placing a kiss on my forehead

"Yeah, but one good thing came out of that one." I stated with a knowing smile while he looked at me, confused.

_You, you don't really wanna stay no  
You, but you don't really wanna go o  
You're hot then you're cold  
You're yes then you're no  
You're in then you're out  
You're up then you're down_

"And what was that?" He demanded.

"Oh, so you don't remember the hand cuffs I stole from him and the hot, angry, hate sex we had the entire night?" I raised an eyebrow at him. His face soon took on recognition as a crooked smile flew onto his lips. His eyes glazed over and his grip on me tightened almost painfully so as he remembered that _very _awesome night.

And day.

"Can we have a repeat performance tonight? As a wedding gift?" He begged with puppy dog eyes.

"Good thing I come prepared." I laughed, pulling a pair of personalized hand cuffs out of my purse.

_Just Hitched._

 ...

* * *

**A.N: Okay, I know some of you are pretty mad at me for not updating my other stories, and I'm really sorry! The next chapters for Hello and MDS should be up sometime this week. Also, there is a poll on my profile pertaining to the baby name in MDS, so go vote!**

**I love this song and this is one-shot reminds me of Sgt. Bilko. That movie is the shiz, go watch it. **

**Love,**

**ThankYouForTheVenom08**


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